Taboo: The Sixth Sense

Never trust the salesman at GameStop. I should've known this from last time when he told me Street Fighter 2010 was a 2 player game, but somehow he caught me off guard again and told me about Taboo. "Taboo is the game the parents didn't want their kids to have! It was like... the ultimate fortune teller and kids everywhere were playing it! It was the ouija board for the NES, man!" To tell the truth, I'd never played around with those ouija boards. All I knew was that you placed your hand on a wooden object and moved it around a board of letters after asking a question. If the answer was right, it worked! But if the answer was wrong, you must have been doing it wrong, blame the powers beyond your control for that! 

Anyways, the game starts off by making you give your name, birthday, and sex. I played along and told it the truth; after all, if I'm going to type a rant about how much this game I might as well see if their future it tells me is correct. But apparently that doesn't have any effect whatsoever on the results, because it all turns out wrong. The question I asked? "How long will this take?" A simple question, and if anyone's going to know the answer, it might as well be the game, right? Well instead of saying "Five minutes", "depends", or "who knows?" it dove into a display of colors that looked like a kaleidoscope wannabe while shuffling a bunch of cards around. The first one came up and said some stupid answer that I didn't even memorize, talking about the clouds of my trash cans eating my foot or some equivalent nonsense. But it didn't stop there, it showed me twenty more cards, each showing equally senseless messages that didn't have anything to do with what I asked. 

I'm not uncultured, my sister went through a phase of tarot cards and we played a few games. She was fourteen at the time, and even her readings made a whole lot more sense than the ones I got from this game. I understand the trick to fake fortune telling (and let's not kid ourselves here, this is a video game, not a live psychic stuffed in your NES) is to be vague and misleading so that the person who's being read can narrow down the meanings themselves and draw their own conclusions. This game tried to do that, but the problem was that it was too vague and miswritten to understand if the cards were right or wrong. "The existing obstacle is giving of time to those less fortunate."... what? 

This game is worse than a broken clock, even those are right twice a day.

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