Evil dinosaurs! Destruction of your planet! Flying fists, fireballs
and grenade launchers! Sure, the concept sounds cool, but so
does carnivorous underwear if you sell it right. Allow me to
illuminate the situation in which you find yourself in; You are Dr.
Simon, a genius, naturally, because everyone knows if you
have a Dr. before your name you're branded 'shrink'. So when your
world gets attacked by a mob of evil dinosaurs, you naturally
have a robotic one premade! Hop in and destroy all these vile dinos
before your world comes to an end!
dinosaur... isn't much of a dinosaur. It jumps like the gravity is
really really high, its default weapon consists of a punch which
only can be used properly if you crouch and just hit the 'B' button
until the enemy walks into it, and the human's weapons!? Ugh!
The guns spread throughout the world
only come in four types: Fireball, which is literally a flying dot
projected from your chest area. Fist launcher, which makes your fist
project a ways ahead of you and returns in a horrible pattern.
Grenade launcher, which launches dots (presumed to be the grenades)
from a tube emitted from your back. And finally the laser, which is
a flying beam which, low and behold, not only reaches all the way
across the screen but actually kills things in virtually one hit!
Now, there are even more downsides to these weapons, the
first being you can only have one at a time. The second is you loose
them when you get hit (which is actually a good thing on some of the
crappier weapons; when I get the grenade launcher I actually want
to be hit). And the third is that even if they do diddly it's
hard to get diddly to do they! All the weapons are as hard as hell
to use, and even if you use them right once, one hit isn't enough to
kill half the creatures.
Should you find yourself pulling your
hair out at all the creatures on the screen, don't fear! There is a
huge satellite waiting at the top of the screen, which miraculously
when you hit the select button, releases a HUGE bomb that wipes out
everything but you! And the huge bomb effect is... a flash, and a
sound fx, and you stuck with more monsters one screen over.
Dynowarz is not only frustrating but
will most likely, like any other Bandai product, send you hurdling
towards the floor like an epileptic at the strobe light dance club.
It is a huge dud and should be sold on Ebay marketed as the
first three sentences in this article. Congrats, Bandai, you've
released another disposable product.
Back to Bomb-Omb's Corner Of