The NES was marketed to the future!
1. You know what they say about guys with big
stupid back in the 80's, in fact they were quite the opposite.
Nowadays companies in the console world assign colors to consoles
based on what people think is "cool," because people are
more likely to be thought as less of a geek if the gaming console
they buy consists of cool colors. The NES is the opposite of the
modern console: It's cheap, its got a terrible color scheme, and
the graphics are on the brink of crap. So getting a modern console
would be like buying an SUV to compensate for your small penis,
you need the colors of an XBox to compensate for your geekness.
The NES color scheme is the Honda on the road, it doesn't
need a sexy look or a lot of money, just a home to live in a
player who knows the games. Did you catch Nintendo's marketing
strategy? They were marketing to the future!
2. Gray, just like the color of SPACE ALIENS!
It's no secret that gray is another term for space
aliens, the reason being is that space aliens are believed to
be of the color gray! If you were a horny astronaut, miles away
from home on another planet, wouldn't a box that's the same color
as you with a tiny slot in it settle for a being of the opposite
sex? Of course it would! So when the aliens use their new sex
boxes, they'll ask "Who made this divine invention?" And
Nintendo will be nodding their heads like a thing that nods its
head a lot. At which point the aliens will vaporize everyone on
the planet except the workers on the assembly line of Nintendo and
they'll be left to make millions! Do you see any aliens on earth
today? No, because it hasn't happened yet! Nintendo was once again
marketing to the future!
3. To the lepers!
Surely by the year 2500 we'll have figured out a way to expand the
human life beyond borders. They'll also have the ability to bring
people back from the dead. And you know the problem with zombies
and really really old people - Their ligaments fall off without
warning! That, and they require other people to think for them
(senior citizen's brains will all be turned to mush). So where do
they turn for entertainment when they're short several fingers?
How 'bout that old eight button console? It's got less buttons
than they do fingers, and the directional pad can easily be
controlled with a tongue of some sort - Hell, the less saliva the
better, eh? Of course by then NES consoles will be hard to find,
but chances are if one could afford the treatment to expand their
life, they can afford to hire a bunch of people to recreate the
greatest console ever. And all of this will happen in the time
period Nintendo was marketing to, the future!
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