News | Archives | Forums | Chat Room | Sitemap | About | Contact | Linkage |
 
Paperboy
 - Extra! Extra!
 - Local History
 - Newswire


Library
 - Reviews
 - Articles
 - Editorials
 - Classic Games
 - NES Pastimes
 - T! Interviews
 - BombOmb's Duds
 - Window Shopping

The Mall
 - DH Insanity
 - Late NES
 - M.N.T.3K
 - NES ASCII Art
 - Caption This!
 - NESellaneous
 - Coin Grab Game
 - Break Time
 - Versus
 - The Album
 - NES View
 - Comics

Tourist Traps
 
- Tricked Out
 - NES Icons
 - NES MP3s
 - Winamp Skins
 - Emulation

The Church
 - Rad Racer
 - Solstice
 - King's Quest V

Services
 - Online Store
 - Tour Guide
 - You Are Here
 - Brochure
 - Taxi

Community Stuff
 - Citizens
 - Phone Book
 - Town Hall
 - Chat Room
 

The NES was marketed to the future!

1. You know what they say about guys with big shoes...

       Marketers weren't stupid back in the 80's, in fact they were quite the opposite. Nowadays companies in the console world assign colors to consoles based on what people think is "cool," because people are more likely to be thought as less of a geek if the gaming console they buy consists of cool colors. The NES is the opposite of the modern console: It's cheap, its got a terrible color scheme, and the graphics are on the brink of crap. So getting a modern console would be like buying an SUV to compensate for your small penis, you need the colors of an XBox to compensate for your geekness. The NES color scheme is the Honda on the road, it doesn't need a sexy look or a lot of money, just a home to live in a player who knows the games. Did you catch Nintendo's marketing strategy? They were marketing to the future!

2. Gray, just like the color of SPACE ALIENS!

It's a grey area       It's no secret that gray is another term for space aliens, the reason being is that space aliens are believed to be of the color gray! If you were a horny astronaut, miles away from home on another planet, wouldn't a box that's the same color as you with a tiny slot in it settle for a being of the opposite sex? Of course it would! So when the aliens use their new sex boxes, they'll ask "Who made this divine invention?" And Nintendo will be nodding their heads like a thing that nods its head a lot. At which point the aliens will vaporize everyone on the planet except the workers on the assembly line of Nintendo and they'll be left to make millions! Do you see any aliens on earth today? No, because it hasn't happened yet! Nintendo was once again marketing to the future!

3. To the lepers!

       Surely by the year 2500 we'll have figured out a way to expand the human life beyond borders. They'll also have the ability to bring people back from the dead. And you know the problem with zombies and really really old people - Their ligaments fall off without warning! That, and they require other people to think for them (senior citizen's brains will all be turned to mush). So where do they turn for entertainment when they're short several fingers? How 'bout that old eight button console? It's got less buttons than they do fingers, and the directional pad can easily be controlled with a tongue of some sort - Hell, the less saliva the better, eh? Of course by then NES consoles will be hard to find, but chances are if one could afford the treatment to expand their life, they can afford to hire a bunch of people to recreate the greatest console ever. And all of this will happen in the time period Nintendo was marketing to, the future!
Back to Editorials


 


Across The Street:

Contact
Submit your opinions to me here.

Town Hall
Find other kick ass articles in the NES community.


Right side

Fads:

Get yours: S | M | L

NES Icon:

More icons!

Headlines:


Subscribe with Bloglines

 

4
Home | Contact | Sitemap | Linkage | Shop
© 2003-2004 Young / Edison